Cognitive dissonance: the feeling of uncomfortable tension which comes from holding two conflicting thoughts in the mind at the same time.
So this is what I have been suffering from: one thought is the relative goodness of the persons I associate with every day - whether by choice for pleasure, or by simply being part of my professional ecosystem. The other thought is that these persons with whom I associate are, in fact, evil.
I am reminded of the cases where hostages have grown attached to their kidnapper and torturer. The thought that I have actually become not only attached, but defensive of my kidnapper has suddenly stirred me into red hot anger. How could I have let this happen??
My only viable excuse is this: just like an animal would jump away from hot water or fire, yet the same animal stays put on a surface that is being gradually heated without jumping, I too have grown accustomed to the constant, low-key psychological abuse until I have become a timid, scared, insecure mess.
No more. I am seriously pissed off.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Write it down
The power of goal setting is only as powerful as your focus. Writing it down makes sure you are focusing on it.
For me, being blessed with a photographic memory means I must see it in print. So it's even more of an added bonus to get it written down. Then add the "movie" to it - you know, the one where you have achieved the thing you wanted, and are basking in the glory of having it / living it / loving it.
I'm almost there - there I am, walking into my new, bright office (from tons of natural light). I am happy to be there, really looking forward to going into work. My team is there, motivated, energetic, full of sick sense of humour and ready to laugh at the drop of a hat. We huddle, talk about our latest pain-in-the-xxx customer, decide on a plan and approach, and off we go.
I finish a productive, rewarding day - recognition from my management, my colleagues and team is evident in their smiles and comments. I get into my car, which has been parked in its designated space underground. I get home in time to share a late lunch/afternoon snack with the kids, and get to hang out with them. While they are busy with their activities, I pursue my writing dream.
When DH gets home, I'm happy and ready to see him - not the perfect wife, but certainly not a stressed out.
For me, being blessed with a photographic memory means I must see it in print. So it's even more of an added bonus to get it written down. Then add the "movie" to it - you know, the one where you have achieved the thing you wanted, and are basking in the glory of having it / living it / loving it.
I'm almost there - there I am, walking into my new, bright office (from tons of natural light). I am happy to be there, really looking forward to going into work. My team is there, motivated, energetic, full of sick sense of humour and ready to laugh at the drop of a hat. We huddle, talk about our latest pain-in-the-xxx customer, decide on a plan and approach, and off we go.
I finish a productive, rewarding day - recognition from my management, my colleagues and team is evident in their smiles and comments. I get into my car, which has been parked in its designated space underground. I get home in time to share a late lunch/afternoon snack with the kids, and get to hang out with them. While they are busy with their activities, I pursue my writing dream.
When DH gets home, I'm happy and ready to see him - not the perfect wife, but certainly not a stressed out.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Hit it!!
Ok, so it took a little longer than one week - actually, it took 10 days to drop 1.9 kg. Not bad.
The idea of eating properly, tiny portions, often, tons of water, and waiting for 30 minutes before deciding I need to eat more is really working. The whole thing about the brain needing 20 minutes to figure out the stomach is full really is true.
So I have a good, slow-carb breakfast (takes care of carb cravings - I know it's only as far as the next breakfast), drink lots and lots of green tea and water, eat a veg heavy lunch - again, small portion, and drink tons of water right after it, then wait. Around 3 pm is the hardest - when the lure of doughnuts is just so hard to resist. I have a diet soda stashed away when the craving gets too strong. It's sweet, fills me up, and gets me over the hump.
This way, by the end of the week I've usually dropped at least 1 to 1.5 kg - especially since I'm also sticking to at least 30 minutes of cardio every weekday, plus two sessions of weight training on the last two work days. Then .....
IT'S THE WEEKEND!!
Which means: I don't exercise - may be go for a gentle walk or a run, but it's not a must. I eat what I want. ALL that I want (I once went through a dozen doughnuts, but still went back to the end of week weight). I guess this thing about resetting your metabolism once a week really works - because when I go back to the week day regime, my weight keeps dropping. Yay.
The idea of eating properly, tiny portions, often, tons of water, and waiting for 30 minutes before deciding I need to eat more is really working. The whole thing about the brain needing 20 minutes to figure out the stomach is full really is true.
So I have a good, slow-carb breakfast (takes care of carb cravings - I know it's only as far as the next breakfast), drink lots and lots of green tea and water, eat a veg heavy lunch - again, small portion, and drink tons of water right after it, then wait. Around 3 pm is the hardest - when the lure of doughnuts is just so hard to resist. I have a diet soda stashed away when the craving gets too strong. It's sweet, fills me up, and gets me over the hump.
This way, by the end of the week I've usually dropped at least 1 to 1.5 kg - especially since I'm also sticking to at least 30 minutes of cardio every weekday, plus two sessions of weight training on the last two work days. Then .....
IT'S THE WEEKEND!!
Which means: I don't exercise - may be go for a gentle walk or a run, but it's not a must. I eat what I want. ALL that I want (I once went through a dozen doughnuts, but still went back to the end of week weight). I guess this thing about resetting your metabolism once a week really works - because when I go back to the week day regime, my weight keeps dropping. Yay.
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