Cognitive dissonance: the feeling of uncomfortable tension which comes from holding two conflicting thoughts in the mind at the same time.
So this is what I have been suffering from: one thought is the relative goodness of the persons I associate with every day - whether by choice for pleasure, or by simply being part of my professional ecosystem. The other thought is that these persons with whom I associate are, in fact, evil.
I am reminded of the cases where hostages have grown attached to their kidnapper and torturer. The thought that I have actually become not only attached, but defensive of my kidnapper has suddenly stirred me into red hot anger. How could I have let this happen??
My only viable excuse is this: just like an animal would jump away from hot water or fire, yet the same animal stays put on a surface that is being gradually heated without jumping, I too have grown accustomed to the constant, low-key psychological abuse until I have become a timid, scared, insecure mess.
No more. I am seriously pissed off.
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